Therapy for Attachment Issues and Relationship Patterns

Online psychotherapy with Simona Hawkins, UKCP-registered psychotherapist — sessions available across the UK.

Our relationships can have a powerful influence on how we feel about ourselves, how we understand other people and how we respond when we feel close, rejected, criticised or uncertain.

We are all born into relationships and have a fundamental need for connection. Over time, our childhood experiences with important people can influence the expectations and assumptions we bring into later relationships. These experiences can become automatic patterns in the way we relate, often operating outside our awareness.

You may find yourself repeatedly experiencing difficulties in relationships without fully understanding why or how to make it work better for you. Perhaps you become anxious when someone is distant, find it difficult to trust, feel rejected very easily, struggle with intimacy or boundaries, or find yourself withdrawing when relationships become emotionally important. These are sometimes described as anxious or avoidant attachment patterns.

Psychotherapy can provide a space to explore these patterns and begin to understand what is happening underneath them.

Understanding your relational style

Part of my work involves exploring the way you experience your sense of self and other people in your relationships.

We may look at questions such as:

What happens for you when you become emotionally close or intense with someone?
What do you expect from other people, or what do you imagine they might think about you?
How do you respond when you feel rejected, criticised or disappointed?
What do you need in order to feel secure, connected or loved?
How do you experience your own needs and boundaries?
Are you repeating patterns in relationships that you would like to understand differently?

Our early experiences can contribute to beliefs about whether we are lovable, worthy, safe, good enough or deserving of care. They can also influence what we expect from other people — whether we experience them as available, trustworthy, caring, rejecting or dismissive.

These patterns are not fixed. Psychotherapy offers an opportunity to understand where they may have come from, how they are activated in your life now, and what possibilities may exist for relating differently.

How therapy can help

Together, we can explore the emotional reactions, assumptions and expectations that arise within your relationships and within your relationship with yourself.

Developing a clearer understanding of these patterns can help you recognise what is happening in the moment rather than simply reacting automatically and not being aware of the activated pattern. It can become easier to understand your own needs, consider another person’s perspective and make choices that feel more authentic to you.

The aim is to develop a deeper and more flexible understanding of yourself and others.

Common questions

Is attachment therapy only about childhood?

No. Earlier relationships can be important, but therapy also focuses on your present life and the relationships you have now. The purpose of exploring the past is to understand how previous experiences may influence current expectations, feelings and ways of relating.

Can attachment difficulties affect romantic relationships?

They can. Attachment patterns may influence the way we approach closeness, trust, intimacy, conflict, need for reassurance and boundaries. Exploring these patterns can help you understand the dynamics that develop between you and another person.

Can I work on relationship difficulties on my own?

Yes. Individual psychotherapy can be helpful even when the other person is not part of the therapy. Understanding your own patterns can change the way you experience yourself and your self-agency in relationships.