Therapy for Identity Issues and Sense of Self

Online psychotherapy with Simona Hawkins, UKCP-registered psychotherapist — sessions available across the UK.

Silhouette of a woman in soft window light, reflecting

Having a sense of who we are can feel straightforward at some times in life and much less certain at others.

You may feel that you have lost touch with yourself, are unsure what you want, or find yourself changing based on what other people might need from you. You may know how to fulfil your responsibilities while feeling uncertain, or dismissing your own needs, wishes and values.

Some people describe this as feeling disconnected from themselves, or as not knowing who they are anymore. Others feel as though they are simply “going through the motions”, or that they are living a life that does not fully feel like their own.

Psychotherapy can offer a space to explore these experiences and develop a clearer understanding of your sense of self.

Who am I in relation to other people?

Our sense of identity starts developing alongside our beliefs about who we are in the family and in the world from childhood. It continues to develop within relationships and the roles we hold in these relationships.

From an early age, we begin to learn about ourselves through the responses of other people. Over time, these experiences can contribute to beliefs about who we are, what we are allowed to need, feel, expect and what we have to do to be accepted, to feel safe, and to belong.

As adults, these established patterns can influence our relationships, choices and expectations without always being obvious to us.

We may consider:

What do I actually want?
What do I need from other people?
How do I know what feels right for me?
Why do I become a different version of myself in different relationships?
What happens when my needs conflict with someone else’s?
What does it mean for me to feel authentic?

Exploring authenticity and connection

Therapy can help you explore different parts of your experience of developing a sense of Self and Identity, and understand how they have developed.

Sometimes maintaining relationships has involved adapting, suppressing feelings or putting other people’s needs first. This can provide a sense of security in the short term while making it harder to know what you genuinely think and feel, and who you are.

Developing a clearer relationship with yourSelf can make it easier to recognise what is important to you, create boundaries and communicate this to others.

The aim is not to arrive at a fixed definition of who you are. Identity can develop throughout life. Rather, therapy can help you become more aware of your inner experience and feel more able to make choices that belong to your sense of Self.

Identity and emotional wellbeing

Difficulties with identity can exist alongside anxiety, depression, low self-esteem and relationship difficulties.

Exploring these experiences together can help you understand the connections between how you feel about yourself, how you relate to others and the choices you make in your life.

Common questions

What does identity therapy mean?

Identity-focused psychotherapy explores your sense of yourself, including your beliefs, values, needs, relationships and the different ways you experience yourself across situations.

Why might I feel like I don’t know who I am?

There can be many reasons. Life transitions, childhood attachment, relationships, significant traumatic experiences and longstanding patterns of adapting to others can all affect how we experience ourselves.

Can therapy help me feel more like myself?

Therapy can provide a space to explore what feels authentic to you and what may have developed in response to expectations, relationships or circumstances, and develop a new more authentic connection with who you are, your values, needs and hopes in your current stage of your life.